Briefly, my background: I am an Attorney and one of the few New York Accredited Divorce Mediators with 20 years of Mediation experience, both online and in-person. Due to COVID-19, I am now exclusively doing Online Divorce Mediations and Elder Care Dispute Mediations.
What makes a divorce easier?
Part 3 of my “Tips To A Smoother Divorce” provides you with some additional guidance to help your divorce experience be less emotionally taxing, less costly, and of shorter duration. As a reminder from my last video, Part 2 in this series, it would be wise to use the extra time that you may have on your hands due to COVID-19, to gather the many critical documents that I listed for you, in order to help your divorce process run more smoothly.
Does mediation and this advice apply to high-net-worth couples too?
Does this same advice also apply to couples struggling with extremely difficult situations and complex emotional components too?
A resounding yes! I re-emphasize that I offer the same guidance to couples of all economic means and of all case complexities; from high-net-worth divorce complexities to couples who are barely making it; from couples who are struggling with difficult emotional components and other difficult circumstances, to couples who have merely drifted apart, with relatively simple situations. The bottom line is: Everyone can benefit from these tips in mediation.
Here is an important do and don’t that will help make your divorce process less toxic, less difficult and less costly. I can’t emphasize this enough.
Don’t try to work out agreements prior to the mediation.
Couples often advise me that they need more time, prior to starting the mediation, because they want to first work things out regarding, such issues as division of their finances, or the kids’ schedule, etc. However, my advice is that this is exactly what couples should not be doing. While trying to work things out prior to the mediation may seem logical, it, in fact, typically has the reverse effect. It tends to complicate the situation, and that is not in your best interest. From my over 20 years of mediating divorces, I have repeatedly seen that these attempts most often serve only to add fuel to a smoldering fire.
So, why should you not work out issues prior to the mediation?
- Channels of communication have broken down and the situation is already tense. Bringing up delicate topics typically heightens the tensions and creates even more miscommunications, and ends up creating more issues.
- These arguments can then lead to one, or both, of the couple refusing to enter into mediation, erroneously thinking that the issues are too heated or complicated for mediation.
- The couple is typically unaware of the laws involved and the facts that need to be applied to those laws, and unaware of any additional facts and issues that they need to consider, but have failed to do so. They then end up making an agreement that needs to be undone. Now the mediator has the difficult and delicate job of unraveling the agreement. This very often leads to more upset, tempers flaring, and very often, prolongs the mediation.
Do come to mediation without a preconceived agreement.
My advice is to come to the mediation without preconceived agreements. Allow your mediator to handle these discussions and to help you and your spouse come to reasonable and fair solutions. This will create a foundation to peacefully resolve your divorce with a lasting Agreement that you can both live by. After all, that is the purpose of Mediation.
These important tips will help your Divorce Mediation run more smoothly and take a shorter period of time to resolve. And of course, this translates to lower legal fees and less emotional turmoil.
Please feel free to contact me at 516-314-6116 to set up a FREE Zoom consultation to answer your questions. You can also visit my website at www.sastowmediation.com for more information.